doglets: (kato me)

Throughout Kato illness we did the bargaining thing. One more Christmas (we got two), one more Landmark with people she feels content with (Martello Tower with J &S), one more summer, one more walk with people she adores (thanks G & J) one more visit from P&B so she could chew P’s beard (we had several), one more science defying back from the brink (she did a few) and she saw me through my cancer.

But at the end, it comes down to one more day, one more hour, just five more minutes. What I wouldn’t give to just rest my face on her soft head and inhale that wonderful, warm smell of Kato. Kato never grew up, the eternal puppy, so it feels like she went too soon and we have to remind ourselves that she was 12.5

Losing her has left a huge gap, the house feels too big and the future feels strange.

doglets: (kato age two)

“Right” I said “I’m going to drop this prescription into the doctors and leave you tied up here behind this tree, I’ll be 1 minute tops”

“One whole minute, that’s a lifetime” Kato looked at me, I could see the forlorn realisation in her eyes that I really was about to dessert her.

“You can see me through the window” I said trying to hold back my own emotions “There is no need to panic”

“Why can’t I come in the shop?” Kato asked sadly, straining at the lead trying to follow “I will be good...please don’t leave me”

“It’s not a shop, it’s like a vets for humans” I said welling up “Just sit nice, remember sit stay from school, don’t growl at anyone, just sit stay...one minute....you’ll be fine...”

“Don’t” said Kato melting my heart with her deep brown wounded eyes. I could hear that gentle canine heart snapping as her beloved human cruelly abandoned her. Years of trust crumbling away, she thought I loved her but here I was callously walking away.
"Kato, really, you're fine" I said sniffing

“DON’T” she whimpered louder

“I love you Kato" I mouthed at her, blowing her a kiss but then “Ouch!..Ah...fk...damn tree”

DON’T walk backwards” said Kato “Was trying to warn but...”

“You know what Kato” I said as I untied her “hippy can drop the prescription off later”

“Bet that smarted” said Kato as we headed home

“Yeah” I agreed

doglets: (abe java sleep)
Regular readers will know that Java and Abe have not been in the same space for over two years.  With Lindsay gone, kAt0 being an adult (of sorts!) and Java having made friends with other dogs on her private retreats with her Wallace, we wondered if the dynamic in the pack had changed. So yesterday, with both on leads we stood in the garden,pockets full of treats. It took about 90 seconds before the growling and lungeing started. I could barely get Java back in the house, every fur on her body standing on end. Disappointing. 

Its not the posturing of a pack squabble - its for the kill, she would have torn Abes throat out given half a chance. Sad. The pacifist kAt0 was in a flat panic but was certainly considering lamping them both or running away.  kAt0 has never had a fight, only over enthusiastic Slippy Dog, unlike the battle scarred Abe and Java and its probably best we keep it that way.

Java has also done something to her hips or back which has gotten progressively worse over the weekend. She has been saying Ow quite a lot, has fallen up the stairs and is walking in a very tense manner.  Her back is arched, her back end looks distorted from the waist tailwards. Her face is pinched with pain until the drugs kick in. She very gingerly gets up onto the bed or sofa (staying off is not an option in Java's mind). We have her on her full dose of metacam and she is to the vets tomorrow. Being poorly and possibly the confrontation with Abe has made Java very affectionate which just makes the psychotic aggression more difficult to accept.

Abe is endlessly scooting on her bum - so she too is off to the vets (but on a different day) for the anal probe.

And as with humans, some dogs are just wired up wrong and no amount of love, devotion and intervention can change their distorted view and interaction with the world. Deep sadness for a friend since some sad news yesterday - its been a quiet ,reflective and tearful household here at Canine Feminist Collective HQ

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February 2018

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