doglets

I’m afflicted so Kato Walks have been contracted out to freelancers. Frodi likes a walk but can survive without but Kato gets terrible cabin fever.

Yesterday, I ventured outside for a potter round the garden.  A massive sun parasol brolly thing had fallen over our side of the wall from the church next door and was resting on its side. Kato gave the new thing in the garden a wide berth. Frodi was on his wee-round, raspberry bushes, cherry tree stump, brick thing, the place where half a dead pigeon was once found, any dandelions that give him side-eye.

Frodi was running his nose along the fallen Massive Parasol, “Haha” I said “Looks like Jodrell Bank down the garden Frodi...FRODI...oh fook”

I realised Frodi’s interest was not for Space Observation

“OMG” I lettered

I was running, well walking, as fast as a woman just two weeks out of surgery could muster.  Frodi lifted his back left, I was calling out “Nooooooooo”. The world had gone into slow motion.  This is probably in the ten commandments, in the small print of number nine, the one about neighbours that no one ever remembers, thou shalt not urinate on the Lord's UV Patio Umbrella.
"Fro....deeeeee......noooooooo"
Frodi hesitated but was just calculating his angle of delivery, I mustered harder, I wasn’t going to make it....so I threw the nearest thing to hand which was a deflated football. It missed Frodi but bounced off the parasol and hit Kato, luckily this distracted Frodi who lowered his leg.

We ran out of Kato Incurin tablets aka pissy pants pills. One of the potential side effects of Incurin according to the leaflet is INCREASED ATTRACTIVENESS (leaflet uses caps). Hippy maintains this is not scientifically feasible as the Pretty Sweetness has optimal prettiness. I always thought it meant magnetic attractiveness causing incalculable electrical interference and havoc. Magnetic Kato upsetting compasses and tellys, leaving a trail of crashed satellites and wiped hard drives in her wake.

Frodi has always found his feelings for Kato confusing. On the one paw he is besotted with her but on the other three paws, he sees her as one of the lads. Romantic Frodi brings pond weed bouquets and serenades Kato with “the noise”. Best Mate Frodi likes wrestling with Kato and concedes that, for a girl, she has a remarkable left hook. If Kato and Frodi were a Rom-Com, Frodi would be the geeky man racing to the airport to shout his love to Kato as she went through check-in. But would she turn back?

We need to be sure the Incurin is for Kato’s benefit and not for us being house-proud. A lot of our house is tiled and we‘ve bought rubber backed mats for Kato Spaces. We wash Kato’s sleeping bag daily and have forgotten what colour the sofa is as it’s buried under a million pink wet bed protectors. Vet opinion is she could get sore from urine burns so we stick with the meds.

By DAY FOUR of no pissy-pants pills, zero satellites landed in the garden but no decrease in her prettiness. Frodi seemed as devoted as ever. She did smell of wee though.

Frodi is a prolific tweeter but very secretive about his blog. I imagine he sits beside the pond quill in paw writing scholarly opinions on scrolls of parchment with the occasional lapse into CAPSLOCK RAGE when he’s had a drink and then claims to have been hacked.

“I fear Katrina may have hacked ones blog, as DEATH 2 POSTMAN SCUM is not one’s usual style”

Frodi always replies to Kato’s tweets. Trotting around the garden waiting for Kato to tweet. She’s barely pressed send and he’s there. He’s either correcting grammar or adding lol to every single thing she “tweets”.

Love how biscuit thieving collie thinks hes cute #UnwantedHouseguest

*He’s* #StayingPut

Apostrophe u in a min u sheep bothering nutless bellend #ClaimSelfDefence

Lol! #HaveToCatchMeFirst

The side effect of Kato’s anti-piddly-pants medicine is written on the leaflet in bold capital letters -  "some dogs may experience INCREASED ATTRACTIVENESS" but it doesn’t say attractive to what or whom.

I imagine Kato being magnetic, disrupting pace makers and electrical equipment. Cutlery flies off tables as we pass by houses and televisions get good old fashioned interference. Street lights flash, burglar alarms and car alarms go off, electric pylons fizzle and road traffic signals fail. The lovely Kato oblivious as behind us hard drives wipe themselves, vacuum cleaners turn on and off, and washing machines flood.

 Java has always been a committed pro-housetraining doglet since the first day she set paw in the Canine Feminist Collective HQ, which considering she had been in the nick in a 4foot square pen for 6 months was amazing.

Java can usually, easily do up to six hours between toilet visits, can do a straight eight hours overnight if need be.   But the last few days has seen a couple of splatty poos just an hour or so since visiting the Little Bitches Room - not a full emptying of the dog but a semi-runny puddle. Her snoot is a healthy cold wet snoot, she seems her usual self, demonstrating some excellent repelling of Trick-or-Treaters. It only happens when she can't ask to go - she asks by snooting and barooing, and can be very persistent if shes clothing/desperate, pawing and climbing on those with the Mystical Skill of BackDoor Opening. Java gets very upset if she does it in the house. She chooses to go as far away from the house as she can. Her food hasn't changed and she doesn't seem upset by the Punch-Up with The Abe Infidel on Friday. Even though I scolded her quite sharply,  she looked so sad and confused, she just wants me to love her, and sees That Abe as a threat to that relationship and all relationships.

Have been wondering about her age recently - everyone who meets her thinks she is much older than the dogs home would have us believe. She is sort of nine, a year younger than That Abe. Maybe she is older. She did grow when she first came to live with me and

therovers